


you made me like you, or five times joe thornton tried to flirt with evgeni nabokov (and one time it worked)

by littlesnowpea



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Diabetes, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-18
Updated: 2012-05-18
Packaged: 2017-11-05 13:40:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/407067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlesnowpea/pseuds/littlesnowpea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>for the record, joe thornton has shit chat-up lines.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you made me like you, or five times joe thornton tried to flirt with evgeni nabokov (and one time it worked)

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for my friend Bri, because she was tired of all my angsty stuff and wanted cuteness. Is this cute enough? I dunno. Be prepared to fetch insulin.
> 
> This is not my first Hockey RPS fic, but I figured I should spread out the angst a bit so I don't terrify people. Or that's the advice I received, anyway.

 For the record, Joe Thornton has shit chat up lines. He likes to pretend he doesn’t, but the fact remains he _does._ They are really fucking crappy.

  So, naturally, he keeps using them.

  “Hey, baby did it hurt?”

  “Did what hurt.”

  Clearly, the blonde chick leaning against the bar was so unimpressed it almost hurt to look at her, but Joe didn’t care. He had a winner this time _for sure_ and he ignored the polite glare on Evgeni’s face and smiled down at the woman in what he was sure was a suave and handsome manner. He’d dragged the fake Russian out to be his wingman to a round of very loud, very vocal, very unamused threats, and had to pay the consequence of The Smirk growing with every woman he miserably struck out with.

  He charged ahead despite the warning signs he could practically see blinking from Nabby’s eyes, resolutely ignoring how looking at the smaller man kind of made his stomach feel funny. He smiled down at her and she rolled her eyes.

  “When you fell from heaven, of course,” he finished with an eyebrow wiggle worthy of Patrick Marleau. For a split second, Joe though she was seriously going to vomit, but thankfully the look passed, only to be replaced with one of utter contempt.

  “For the love of God,” she muttered, and shoved past Joe to walk to the other side of the bar, tossing a disgusted look behind her as she went.

  Joe deflated. He gave a helpless look at Evgeni who smirked right back and rolled his eyes.

  “Can we gho now?” he shouted over the throbbing bass. “Or are you just waiting around to take another ego hit?”

  Joe brightened and sidled closer to Evgeni, who suddenly looked wary.He attempted to move beyond Joe's reach, but of course, he was caught.

  “Sometimes, I wish I was back in grade school,” he said conversationally, reaching up and brushing a strand of blonde hair back from Evgeni’s face. He looked slightly frightened.

  “I’m afraihd to ask, buht why?”

  “Because I’d want you to be my homework,” Joe whispered into Evgeni’s ear. The man suddenly flushed redder than Joe had ever seen and Joe smirked to himself. “So I could slam you down on my table and do you all night long.”

  Evgeni sputtered and jerked away, leaving Joe laughing. He stalked a few steps away before he froze and whirled around again, a dangerous look on his face as he approached Joe.

  “We’re _gohing_ ,” he said threateningly, sticking a finger in the Canadian’s face. “And _dohn’t_ get any ideas. You have _terrible_ pick up lines.”

  Joe just laughed and followed him to the door.

  He could ignore the flip in his stomach. Really, he could.

\--

  “Hey Evgeni!” 

  There was no response, so Joe let his head flop over the back of the couch, eyes on the hall behind him.

  “Evgeni!!!!”

  The “Russian” appeared in the hallway, an unpleasant look on his face.

  “Are you dying, Joe?”

  “No,” Joe answered. “But someone’s at the door.”

  Joe didn’t think it was possible to look this pissed, but somehow Yevi managed it. 

  “Ahre you serious,” Evgeni asked rhetorically, but Joe nodded anyway. “You couldn’t get it yourself?”

  “It’s _your_ house,” Joe replied with a innocent wink and Evgeni groaned and stalked toward the door. Joe smirked and flopped back down to lay on the couch, aimlessly flipping through channels on Yevi’s unfairly large TV. He had just lulled himself into a lovely state of brain dead when something heavy dropped onto his stomach and the air left his lungs before he’d even registered what was going on.

  “Ouch!” he gasped theatrically. “Yevi, you could have killed me!”

  “Shut up,” Evgeni said, picking up the package he’d dropped on Joe’s stomach with a disturbingly annoyed look on his face. “It was the UPS man, Joe, you are _suhch_ a pain.” He continued his lecture under his breath and he walked away and suddenly, Joe had a _brilliant_ idea.

  “Yevi,” he called, following the shorter man into the kitchen. He was met with a short glare that spoke volumes about the state of his friend’s emotions, but he was undeterred and poked the blond in the ribs.

  “Stohp.”

  “Evgeni.”

  “What.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  Evgeni sighed and glared at Joe out of the corner of his eye, which the Canadian took to mean _get out_ , so he ignored it.

  “Yevi, I have a question.”

  “What do yhou want.”

   _Ouch_ but Joe fought on bravely. He grabbed Evgeni’s waist, the sharp cry of protest falling on deaf ears, and dragged him close to his chest. He smirked at the indignant sputters that Evgeni was making and held him tighter.

  “Yevi, do you work for UPS?”

  “What the _fuck_ , Joe-”

  “Evgeni, yes or no.”

  “ _No,_ you stupid-”

  “Well I could have sworn you did,” Joe said lowly, pinching the Russian’s side and smirking at the gasp it caused. “Because I saw you checking out my package.”

  He celebrated internally as a smile crept unwillingly across Evgeni’s face before the other man fought it off and gave Joe a hard elbow to his chest. Joe groaned in pain and let the man go, rubbing the sore spot hard.

  “Ow, why’d you have to do that?” he asked, wounded, and Evgeni fought back a smile again.

  “You are so _stupid_ ,” but it sounded affectionate now, and Joe would take that as a win. Evgeni rolled his eyes at Joe’s self-assured smirk and shoved him hard. Joe caught Evgeni’s hands tight, surprising the man into stillness.

  Their eyes met and Joe’s heart did a backflip in his chest. It seemed like everything was still and Joe _couldn’t breathe._ He licked his lips and Evgeni suddenly looked a little nervous.The Russian gave his hands a gentle tug and Joe let him go without really wanting to. Yanking his eyes away from Joe’s, Yevi swallowed thickly and quickly walked past him and back down the hall, leaving the Canadian standing there.

  Why wouldn’t his stomach calm down?

\--

  “Are there any NHL players born in Tennessee?”

  Evgeni looked up from re-taping his stick with a confused look.

  “Why would I know that?” he asked, rolling his eyes, and Joe huffed, hurt.

  “Why are you always so mean?” he countered and Evgeni lazily gave him the finger.

  Joe stuck his tongue out at him, compensating for his lack of comeback, and settled back to reading his magazine moodily. He heard a long suffering sigh from across the couch but sank more into his sulk.

  He felt a small kick against his leg and he peered around his magazine to find Evgeni looking at him with one eyebrow delicately raised.

  “Ahre you pouting?” he asked, and his voice was so _goddamn amused_ Joe wanted to cry. Except he didn’t cry. No. Absolutely not. Erase that last thought.

  “No,” he muttered, sticking his face back in his magazine. He didn’t want anything to do with this stupid fucking goaltender with the stupid fucking eyes and the stupid fucking hair that he liked to touch as often as possible. No. He did not.

  Evgeni stifled a sound that seemed suspiciously like a snort of laughter and Joe heard him put his stick down gently on the floor.

  “Jooooe,” Evgeni called, and Joe deepened his frown, sinking against his couch cushions. He felt the seat dip and Evgeni leaned against his side. “Jooooe..... Come here, baby Joe.”

  “Don’t call me a baby,” Joe grumbled and this time, Evgeni couldn’t help it- he let out a short little laugh and suddenly, it felt to Joe like the sun had come out of the rainclouds that covered the San Jose sky, and he felt his face flush and a grin take over.

  This. What the fuck was this. First his stomach and now Joe _blushes?_ Holy shit, Joe must be _dying_.

  “Joeee.”

  “Leave me alone,” Joe muttered and Evgeni sighed. 

  “Joe,” and Evgeni definitely sounded like he was whining and, with a sigh, the Russian stuck his head between the magazine and Joe’s face.

  “Go away,” Joe said flatly, and tried to shove the magazine back between his and his friend’s faces as quickly as possible.

  Because, yeah, _ok_ , his heart was _racing_ and he was _flushed_ and he blamed Evgeni. Fuck.

  “Joe, come ohn,” Evgeni pleaded, fingers digging into Joe’s bicep. “I’ll let you touch my hair if it makes yhou feel better!”

  Joe grinned again and put the magazine down. Evgeni looked a tiny bit disappointed- he _hated_ his hair touched, the only person he’d let touch it was Joe or maybe the barber- but he’d promised. With a sigh, he leaned against the bigger man’s side, tilting his head toward Joe. He rolled his eyes at the excited look that crossed his friend’s face and closed his eyes, wincing as Joe buried his hands in the blond mess. 

  “Sorry,” Joe whispered, running his thumb down the bridge of Evgeni’s nose. The Russian shuddered and Joe felt his breath stutter, but he swallowed the feeling down and dug his fingers into Yevi’s scalp instead, massaging with his admittedly limited knowledge. Clearly, it was doing something good, because Yevi shifted a little closer, his head felt a little heavier and a yawn slipped out before he could stop it. 

  “Tired?” he gave a halfhearted glare from behind heavy eyelids at the inquiry, but Joe just laughed and dug a little deeper into his skin and Evgeni hummed, blue eyes falling shut.

  Joe paused, glancing over at his abandoned magazine- _Tennessee, the Beauty and Wonders_ or some shit- and a smirk grew across his face.

  He pulled his hands from Evgeni’s hair and maneuvered the man up so he could slide obnoxiously close behind him.

   _do not get hard, do not get hard, do NOT get hard_

  Evgeni gave a whine of protest, cracking one eyelid to pout.

  “What are you _dohing_?” he asked and Joe just laughed. He pinched Evgeni’s ear, receiving a scowl for his troubles.

  “Evgeni,” Joe whispered conversationally. “Are you from Tennessee?”

  “Joe, what-”

  “Are. You. From. Tennessee?” Joe asked, scooting closer with every word. Ok, Joe was being a tiiiiiny bit selfish, but God it felt so _good_ to be pushed up against the warmth of-

   _do not get hard!_

  “Joe, I’m from Russia.”

  Joe paused, rolling his eyes.

  “No, you’re from-”

  “Russia,” Evgeni said smoothly, overriding the correction. 

  “Fine.” Joe gave up and let the man have his dream. 

  “Why do you ask?”

  “Well I was hoping you were from Tennessee.” Joe replied happily, hand settling on Evgeni’s waist, ignoring the warning signs flashing in his brain.

   _Joe you are a moron! Joe you need to stop!_

  “Why?” the question was barely a whisper, and Joe was suddenly hyperaware of every single fucking place he touched the guy he was _pretty sure_ he kinda liked. A lot.

  “Because,” and Joe was proud of the way his voice did not waver. “You’re the only ten I see.”

  Utter silence followed his last statement, and Evgeni slowly turned his head to meet Joe’s eyes.

  “Oh my _gohd_ ,” and Joe burst into hysterical laughter as Evgeni forced a scowl to cover his ear to ear grin, shoving his way off of Joe’s lap.

  Oh well. Joe liked the way he smiled.

\--

  “Why do you need such a large fucking house?” Joe was complaining as loudly as he fucking could so that the annoying fucking “Russian” could hear him over the stupid fucking vacuum. 

  Joe was not ok with cleaning day. He’d come over like an hour ago and he hadn’t even _seen_ Evgeni. But he _had_ done all the fucking dishes and tidied the kitchen- _without_ being asked, he just wanted Evgeni _done_ faster.

  He’d heard that damn vacuum the whole time, though, and it was starting to grate on his nerves. 

  “What?” 

  The shout was dim and Joe barely heard it, and he groaned, rolling his eyes.

  “I said-” and his yell back was interrupted by the vacuum switching off. A happy smile crossed his face as he heard the thump of Evgeni’s footsteps down the hall.

  He turned to face him, his mouth open and ready to throw the question out again, but he caught sight of Yevi and his mouth went dry.

  Ok, it really should be illegal for the man to _dress_ like that. those sweats were _far_ too low and for the love of fucking GOD, he was _shirtless._ Not fair. So not fair.

  Evgeni put his hands on his hips and gave Joe an expectant look. His blond hair was rumpled and Joe really couldn’t take this anymore.

  “I asked why you had such a big house,” he said faintly and a look of concern crossed Evgeni’s face.

  “Joe, ahre you ok?” he walked across his living room and leaned over the back of the couch to look closer at the Canadian.

  Death was imminent now. Definitely.

  Evgeni pressed his hand against Joe’s forehead and Joe laughed.

  “I’m not sick,” he assured the doubtful-looking man. “I’m just _bored_.”

  Evgeni huffed. 

  “I’m done vacuuming,” he sighed. “I just have to clean up the kitchen.”

  “No you don’t!” Joe announced with a grin. “I already did it.”

  Evgeni raised a doubtful eyebrow at him and walked (with his stupid superiority complex) to said kitchen. Joe could not stop the fucking smirk that crossed his face as Evgeni slowly turned to meet him, one eyebrow raised in a clear demand for an explanation. 

  “I was _bored_ ,” Joe elaborated, holding his hands up in a surrendering gesture. Evgeni rolled his hands and Joe quickly continued before he could be treated to a typical scathing remark. “And you have a huge fucking house and I was already over so I decided, well....”

  And holy _shit_ a grin was crossing the Russian’s face and Joe didn’t even _do_ anything. He mentally patted himself on the back and flashed his trademark toothy grin back, shoving himself off the couch and bouncing a little on his toes.

  Evgeni sighed.

  “Thank you, Joe,” he said. “But youh’re going to have to wait a little lohnger, I have to shower..... _dohn’t_ give me that look, Joe.”

  “But,” Joe whined. “I’m boreeeed.”

  Evgeni scowled without real malice and Joe pouted dramatically. 

  “I have to take care of my house, Joe, and...what are yhou doing?” Evgeni eyed Joe with apprehension at the tall man began walking toward him with a glint in his eye that _never_ meant good things for Evgeni. 

  His fears were confirmed as Joe lunged forward and seized him around the waist and Evgeni yelped angrily and squirmed. Joe chuckled and continued dragging him away from the kitchen and closer to the living room, hoping to make him forget about prolonging time away from Joe. 

  “Joe, _stohp_ ,” Evgeni protested loudly and tried to elbow him again, failing miserably and Joe dug his fingers in just below his ribcage in punishment. Evgeni immediately and predictable flailed, a short spurt of laughter escaping even as he shook his head hard. 

  “What’s wrong, Yevi?” Joe asked innocently, tossing the smaller man onto the couch and continuing his assault on his unfairly ticklish friend. “You seem a little out of breath!”

  He was met with uncontrolled laughter and breathless pants, Evgeni no longer having the ability to speak. He thrashed again and Joe pinned him against the cushions, fingers finding every spot that even slightly tickled the other man until he could see tears of laughter swimming in his eyes. He smirked and gave mercy, his hands stilling against Evgeni’s torso.

  He was answered with a glare, but he just grinned back, unfazed. Yevi punched him hard in the shoulder and he stuck his tongue out in response.

  “Lhet me up,” Yevi ordered and Joe laughed.

  “Nope,” he said easily, pushing more weight on the Russian when it looked like he was ready to fight himself free.   

  “Joe,” Evgeni said warningly. “I have to take care of my house.”

  “I’m sure you do,” Joe replied, pushing him down again, selfishly enjoying the contact more than he strictly should. 

  “ _Joe.”_

  “ _Evgeni.”_

  “ _Nhot_ funny,” Evgeni seemed extremely close to pulling out The Pout, so Joe thought fast.

  “Hey baby,” he said with an obnoxious wink and Evgeni froze.

  “ _Excuse_ me-”

  “Let’s play house,” Joe interrupted. “You can be the door, and I’ll slam you!”

  He finished the line with another big wink and a lick to his lips and Evgeni’s eyes were about as big as Joe had ever seen.

  “Ghet _off_ ,” he shoved Joe hard, and the Canadian fell back easily, shocked.

  “Asshole,” Evgeni said and stalked away, leaving Joe to fall onto the couch with a groan.

  What the hell was that?

\--

  It was a couple weeks from the house incident and so far, Evgeni hadn’t even looked Joe’s way. It left him wounded and extremely confused- what the hell was going on? Yevi was one of the closest friends he’d ever had, and he’d done way worse than tickle him and taunt him with an admittedly horrible chat up line.

  Joe didn’t understand why Evgeni was mad at him, and even others on the team were noticing Joe’s moping and Evgeni’s irritability and were asking what was up. 

  “Did you and fake Russian break up?” the sound of Ryane’s casual question after practice one day, where Yevi had cast Joe a scornful glance and stormed out after, grated on Joe’s nerves and he tried hard to restrain the urge to punch him.

  “We weren’t together, _asshole_ ,” Joe spat at him and Ryane raised an eyebrow, perfect feathers unruffled.

  “Ok, calm down dude,” Ryane said, hands up. “I was just wondering. What’s up with him and you, then?”

  “I don’t know,” Joe mumbled, a surge of loneliness rearing up inside him at the thought. Ryane sighed.

  “Dumbass,” he said, voice marginally affectionate. Marginally. “Go and talk to him, then.”

  “I can’t.”

  “Oh, you want him to pissed forever?” Ryane snapped. “I don’t care. Even if you don’t want to talk to him anymore, the rest of the team is tired of tiptoeing around, afraid of losing our heads. Go talk to him.”

  He left it like that, turning around and leaving Joe alone in the locker room, even more confused than before.

  He guessed he’d go talk to Yevi. Even though the man clearly hated him now. 

\--

  He felt like knocking on the door in front of him was like knocking on the door to the gas chamber, awaiting his execution. He was temped to just turn and flee, but Ryane’s demand and the own aching in his chest decided for him and he raised a hand and pounded before he could think about it anymore. 

  He swallowed thickly, his heart pounding in his ears in time with the footsteps he heard coming down the hall and he was ready to pass out now, thanks. The footsteps stopped on the other side of the door and he steeled himself, standing tall.

  The door opened, and Evgeni was _there_ and before he could slam it in his face, Joe was pushing forward, forcing entrance into the home he’d been in too many times to count.

  Evgeni was not happy.

  “What the _hell_ ahre you doing here?” his voice was pure venom and Joe was hurt again, but he was here to fix this if it killed him.

  “I’m sorry!” he blurted out desperately as Evgeni turned away. “I’m sorry, ok Yevi, I’m so sorry. Tell me what I did and I swear to God I’ll make amends, just don’t walk away, _please._ ”

  Evgeni stopped, back still turned to Joe, shoulders tight.

  “Yhou never get it,” Evgeni whispered, and Joe strained to catch the words. 

  “Get what, Evgeni?” Joe asked. “Yevi, if I hurt you I’m sorry, I didn’t think I would, I’m sorry, I will fix it, I didn’t mean it-”

  “Вы сделали мне нравишься,” Evgeni interrupted, and his voice sounded sad, _so sad_ and Joe’s heart absolutely shattered, he wanted to _fix this._

  “Evgeni,” he began quietly, voice shaking. “I’ll stop, ok? If I....offended you by what I’ve been doing, I’ll stop, ok? I’ll do anything, please-”

  Evgeni shook his head and began walking down the hall and Joe _panicked_ and his brain was screaming at him and all he could think was _you’ve lost him anyway_ , so he grabbed Evgeni’s arm and pulled hard until the blond spun around, shocked. Joe grabbed the Russian’s face and kissed him hard, pushing the other gently against the wall. His skin felt absolutely on _fire_ and for once his goddamn brain shut the fuck up.

  Eventually, he carefully let the man go, stepping back, his eyes glued on Evgeni’s face. He looked shocked, mouth hanging open and eyes huge. Joe’s heart dropped- _what were you thinking-_ and he stumbled back, turning to go, angry, furious tears in his throat.

  He ruined this.

  “Joe.”

  He ignored the call, he didn’t want to hear why Evgeni hated him, he didn’t want to hear the question _why_ , he just wanted to go and try and survive.

  His arm was grabbed and suddenly he found himself yanked around like he’d done to Evgeni, and the blond’s face was two inches from his, eyes deadly serious. 

  “Ahre you joking with me right now?” Evgeni demanded, voice low. “Is this a joke?”

  “No,” Joe whispered, eyes on the ground. Evgeni swallowed hard.

  “How long?” he asked and Joe wanted to fall through the floor. “How many awful pick up lines did it take?”

  “Stop,” Joe begged quietly. 

  “Nho,” Evgeni snapped. “Because I thought you were leading me along and now I whant you to tell me the _truth._ How many times did you try and pick me up for fun?”

  His mouth felt dry, his heart was hurting, he was confused. 

  “Never,” he murmured, so quiet he wasn’t sure the other even heard him, but the sharp inhale told him otherwise. 

  His head was suddenly tugged up and before he realized what the hell was going on, he felt lips against his and _God_ , that was it. He reached up and wrapped one arm around Evgeni’s body, pressing him back against the wall, his other hand cupping the thin cheek. 

  For the record, Evgeni Nabokov was a really good kisser.

  Joe’s brain was dead.

  Evgeni pulled away, gasping for breath, his lips a millimeter from Joe’s, hand clenching and unclenching Joe’s shirt. Blue eyes met Joe’s own and yeah, Joe was pretty sure he was losing his mind but there was nothing else on Earth he wanted to see than this. 

  “Asshole,” Evgeni whispered, a smile quirking his lips and Joe could accept the insult.

  “Why?”

  “Couldn’t yhou find at least _some_ decent lines to use ohn me?”

  “Well,” Joe began, a smirk taking over his face and Evgeni groaned loudly. 

  “If yhou use one more, I swear I will punch yhou,” he complained and Joe smiled, bringing the other man’ face in close.

  “How about,” he began and their lips met again, and yeah, that was better than any pick up line he had. 


End file.
